July 28, 2022 - The M/s Gathering 
September 1-5, 2022 - Master/slave Conference
September 23-25, 2022 - Leather Leadership Conference
September 29 - October 2, 2022 - Women of Drummer
October 6-10, 2022 - ONYX Blackout (unable to go due to COVID)
April 20-23, 2023 - IMsLBB 
May 4-7, 2023 - The M/s Gathering
June 8-11, 2023 - SouthEast LeatherFest
June 17, 2023 - The Dark Lair 10th Anniversary & Leather Pride Panelist

    ———————- Español (For English please scroll down.) ————

¿Cómo fue ganar?

Ganar fue un momento en mi vida que atesoraré por el resto de mi vida. Me he estado preparando para el concurso durante unos años; y ahora puedo viajar y compartir mis pensamientos y experiencias. Representar a mi comunidad LatinX es un sueño hecho realidad.

¿Qué has aprendido?

Aprendí que debes estar loco o extremadamente valiente para ponerte delante de los jueces y la comunidad. Ser vulnerable, inquebrantable en tus convicciones, ser tu auténtico yo y mostrar al mundo que tu mensaje importa, incluso si no ganas, definitivamente vale la pena porque es un viaje increíble junto a personas extraordinarias que ahora forman parte de tu viaje en los próximos años.

¿Qué esperas en tu año de título?

Sinceramente, estoy ansioso por viajar y visitar a la gente del cuero de todo el país. Hay mucho que hacer, vivimos en un momento único en nuestra sociedad, cambios y desafíos que nos afectan a todos en todos los aspectos de nuestras vidas dentro y fuera de la vida que elegimos; pero sé que el camino a seguir no se puede navegar solo de forma segura... ¡así que estoy ansioso por conocer a mi tribu, mi Familia, y ponerme a trabajar!

¿A quién tienes que dar las gracias?

Debo dar las gracias a la familia SELF: productores, jueces, junta directiva y a cada uno de los humanos extraordinarios que me ayudaron antes, durante y después del concurso, gracias.

A Sir Edgar, Raven y Rachel... gracias por su amor, apoyo y fuerza. No podría haber tenido un equipo mejor que me ayudara en esta increíble parte de mi viaje. Todos ustedes dieron un paso adelante y avanzaron conmigo sin perder el ritmo, siempre estoy agradecido. Gracias a mis hermanas MTTA por su amor y apoyo incondicionales. Me encanta mi Fabulous58.

Gracias a la Sra. Dorie (diseño de Dorie) por ser mi joyera personalizada personal; te agradezco tu apoyo financiero y por hacer piezas únicas para que las use.

A la Sra. Martha Corsets, por satisfacer mis solicitudes de corsés únicos cada vez. Estoy muy agradecido de que hayas dado vida a mi único corsé POC, gracias.

Gracias a 3 Hearts Creations. Tina Sarge, tu diseño de corazón ardiente y tu falda peplum son definitivamente "desgaste caliente de cuero" ¡y a la multitud le encantó! Gracias por trabajar conmigo en mis pasadores, parches personalizados y cualquier otra cosa que se me ocurra.

A los titulares de títulos anteriores que estaban dispuestos a responder a mis interminables preguntas, gracias a Y/you.

Quiero darle las gracias a usted, el que trata en silencio con la salud mental, gracias a la sobreviviente del abuso (en todas sus formas)... debido a Y/ustedes todos me postulé por el título, porque veo a Y/ustedes y quiero que todos ustedes sepan que no están solos, sigo escuchando su llamada de ayuda y veo que hay mucho trabajo por hacer.

A mis hermanos y hermanas de Leather les digo: abróchaos el cinturón, ¡acabamos de empezar!

¡¡¡Los latinos se Presentan!!!

En servicio y cuero

La Sra. MiaRose- Sra. SELF 2022

—————English————

What was it like to win?

To win was a moment in my life that I will treasure for the rest of my life. I have been preparing for the contest for a few years; and now I get to travel and share my thoughts and experiences. Representing my LatinX community is a dream come true.

What did you learn?

I learned that you must be crazy mad or extremely brave to put yourself out there in front of the judges and community. Being vulnerable, unwavering on your convictions, being your authentic self and show the world that your message matters, even if you don’t win, it is most definitely worthwhile because it’s an incredible ride along side of extraordinary people that now are part of your journey for years to come.

What are you looking forward to in your title year?

Honestly, I am eager to travel and visit with the leather folks around the country. There is so much to do, we live in a very unique time in our society, changes and challenges that affect us all in every aspects of our lives in and out of the life we chose; but I know that the road ahead can not be safely navigated alone… so I am eager to meet my tribe, mi Familia, and get to work!

Who do you need to thank?

I must thank the SELF family: producers, judges, board, and every single extraordinary human that helped me before, during, and after the contest, Thank Y/you.

To Sir Edgar, Raven, and Rachel… thank Y/you for your love, support, and strength. I couldn’t have had a better team to help me through this incredible part of my journey. You all stepped up and moved forward with me without missing a beat, I am forever grateful. Thank Y/you to my MTTA sisters, for your unconditional love and support. I love my Fabulous58.

Thank you to Ms. Dorie (Dorie’s design) for being my personal custom jeweler; I thank you for your financial support and for making one of a kind pieces for me to wear.

To Ms. Martha Corsets, for indulging my requests for unique corsets every single time. I’m so thankful that you brought to life my one of a kind POC Corset, thank you.

Thank you to 3 Hearts Creations. Tina Sarge, your flaming heart design and peplum skirt are most definitely “leather hot wear” and the crowd loved it! Thank you for working with me on my running pins, custom patch, and whatever else I come up with.

To previous title holders that were willing to answer my never ending questions, thank Y/you.

I want to thank You, the one dealing in silence with mental health, thank you to the survivor of abuse (in all its forms)… because of Y/you all I ran for the title, because I see Y/you and I want Y/you all to know that you are not alone, I keep hearing your call for help and I see that there is much work to do.

To my Leather brothers and sisters I say: buckle up, we are just getting started!

Latinos Presente!!!

In Service and Leather

Ms. MiaRose- Ms. SELF 2022

My title year has been exciting and it’s definitely going very quickly. For me, New Year’s Eve is a reminder another year gone and a time for reflection.

My overthinking mind rush through my life searching my memory bank for things that can be considered accomplishments by this point in my life.

I look at the blueprint of my dreams and goals I had set forth coming into the title year... Did I accomplish some? Yes I did, others weren’t really going to happen anyway... because being honest life sucks and it gets on the way.

At this point in my life and in my journey I consider myself blessed with so much more than I could have dreamed of. Thank Y/you to everyone that supports me and helps me navigate this amazing Title year!

Having my elderly (sometimes annoying) parents with me, it’s a privilege that very few people have. I am thankful for that opportunity. I love them and appreciate everything they have done (and still do) for me. Our life in this country has not been easy, but we have made it through together.

I can honestly say that I’m a successful woman ... not by the many accolades I’ve accomplished or the amount of money I’ve made... I have my children,my Latinos in Leather, my parents, chosen leather Familia, friends, career, the love and support of my community, and that keeps me going.

In Service and Leather,

MiaRose.

Ms. Mia Rose, Ms. SELF 2022 is busy prepping to run for International Ms. Leather at IMslBB this April! She's garnering support from all over the world including Puerto Rico! Latinos presente!

May 3-5, 2023 - Trademark XXXIII
May 25-29, 2023 - International Mr. Leather
June 8-11, 2023 - SouthEast LeatherFest

Words cannot express how I truly feel. I am so grateful for all the love and support I have received before, during, and after running for Mr SELF. So many emotions were had during the weekend; excitement, nervousness, relief, and being humbled by the amount of people that believe in my ideas. It was very emotional hearing people react to my speech and fantasy. Through the many people I talked to during the weekend, I learned a lot about what conversations need to be had and what our community has already started to talk about. I also learned how to start these conversations in hopes of promoting growth and how to make sure nobody is left out of these conversations. I know I still have a lot to learn when it comes to getting different generations of leather to talk to each other. Which is why I cannot wait to listen and learn as much as I can during my title year and spread the knowledge that I have gained with others in hopes of helping of making our community grow, evolve, and last for future generations.

First of all I would like to thank everyone at SELF who took time to say hello and show me their love and support throughout the weekend. I was truly amazed and humbled by having so much support.

I would also like to thank Lady Catherine, the board members, SELF staff, and volunteers for all their hard work and guidance that they provided. Everyone was a delight to work with and made the weekend flow so seamlessly.

Thank you to the Den Mafia, Andy and Jennifer, for being there through the whole weekend helping us with any immediate needs, emotional support, and helping us stay on top of what we needed to do.

Thank you to all of the SELF judges, Khalid El Bey, Kali Onyx, SwitchyButch, and WaywardSoul. Thank you for all of the knowledge you imparted upon me. You opened my eyes and made me realize that I still have much to learn about myself and about our community.

I want to say thank you to my local community for all of the help you provided in the weeks before SELF. I could not have done this without all your donations and support.

And last but not least, thank you Tidbit for being my coach and handler. I know you wanted to strangle me many times during the weekend….and in the weeks leading up to SELF, but I could not have done this without your help and guidance. I will always look back with a smile at all the shenanigans we got into.

Holy Cow! I did not realize three months could pass so fast! To say life has been a blur is an understatement. Things have not slowed down at all since SELF. But I am truly loving every minute of it. I have been able to catch up with some old friends and make many new ones so far.

In July I hit the ground running and was able to make it to every leather club bar night, which included the Tradesmen of Charlotte, the Red Lions of Raleigh, Tarheel Leather Club and Talon Clan, both in Greensboro. I got to meet Tradesmen Willie, the current Mr. NC Triad Leather title holder, and we have become fast friends. During these bar nights, it was nice to see how each club has its own way of doing things and hearing the ways that they plan to grow in the future. And I cannot say thank you enough to all of these clubs for making me feel so welcome and sharing their stories with me.

August was the month I had got to see more of the emotional side of what leather can be. I was fortunate enough to be invited to the House of Mercy annual cookout with the Tradesmen in which they were able to come together and supply meals, as well as make a donation to benefit the House of Mercy, a non-profit to help those living with HIV and/or AIDS with unmet needs through direct services as well as seeking ways to change an unjust system. Later that month I was able to make it to Ritual Steel in Orlando, where I was able to hang out with my Sash Sibling Apollo. For anyone that is ever interested in one of Ritual Steels events, all I can say is go. For me it is truly life changing to experience how energy can be exchanged through so many people. When I landed back home, I made a surprise trip to be in the Charlotte Pride Parade with Tradesmen Willie (Mr. NC Triad Leather) where I got to meet Mr. Fire Island Leather and Mr. Eagle NYC. This being the first pride I have ever marched in, I was overwhelmed by seeing so much love and support in one place.

In September, I attended Talon Clans 10th anniversary party with many of my chosen family and close friends. (They can throw one hell of a party.) A week later, leading up to the Tarheel Leather Club night, I was surprised and honored to receive my full membership patch of the Tarheel Leather Club. This was a step in my life that I have been looking forward to for so long. I am so lucky to be able to call this club my family. The following day I was able to join the Tarheel Leather Club in presenting the colors at Greensboro Pride. I was happy to see that Greensboro Pride was offering COVID and Monkey Pox vaccines, in which I was able to get my first round of the Monkey Pox vaccine. It was great seeing the community take care of the community. And then the following weekend I was able to attend the Leather Leadership Conference in Atlanta. A big thank you to Kinky Trivia for allowing me to ride to and from LLC with them as well as helping them put on a Kinky Trivia night at LLC. This was a great convention and it was reassuring to see and know that our community leaders are working together and trying to teach each other as well as the next generation of this community.

This next month will be a more relaxing month with only one event on the books, outside of my regular bar nights that is. I plan on doing a little self-care but I will be attending Leather Pride in Atlanta with Tradesmen Willie and a few others.

I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone that has taken time to say congratulations but more importantly to everyone that has checked in on me to make sure that I am doing okay and taking care of myself. Those reminders are greatly appreciated and very much needed. It is so easy to forget to take care of yourself with everything going on.

Wow I cannot believe how much I have learned so far. Through the numerous cons, bar nights, and hangouts, as well as getting to hear peoples’ classes, lectures, and stories I have been able to see where our community has come from and get a better idea of where it is headed. In a way I feel extremely lucky because I have got to see things go full circle in my short time as a titleholder. At leather history preservation weekend was one of these outstanding moments watching senior members of our community tell their stories of how they got started and how they got to where they are today, and seeing people just starting their journey listening to those stories. Also, at this event is where I got to hear something that I have now taken to heart from the keynote speaker, Lady D. “Each one, Teach one.”

From the beginning of October until now, things have slowed down some going into the holiday season. I was still fortunate enough to be able to go to the Fetish Friday event held at Castle McCulloch where I was stationed at the Tarheel Leather Clubs booth. I got to talk to and meet people that were interested in learning about leather culture.

In November I was able to go to Leather History Preservation Weekend where I helped Master Varii and slave Neil set up the leather quilt. Seeing the entire quilt together and hearing its history was quite emotional. Also, at this event I got to witness one of my dear friends Andy tell his story and receive a piece of gifted leather.

In December I went to Coastal Carolina Fetish Fair where I got to present three classes. One of which I was lucky enough to co-teach with my partner Dakota. This was a great event with many great instructors. I was also fortunate enough to share space with Master Varii and slave Neil. The following weekend I was able to go to the Red Lions Teddy Bear charity auction where I was able to donate a bear for the auction.

Being a titleholder is a lot more than I expected. Wearing your sash and vest gives people a reason to walk up and ask you questions. Through this process I have learned a lot more about myself and growing knowledge through teaching. I enjoy people walking up with their curiosity and getting to have so many different conversations. That is why I think running for a title is a great idea. It opens up people for a conversation. You get to look at the same situations from different perspectives and ultimately learn from each other. If I can say one thing as a titleholder, what I see as most important is to have those conversations. To learn, grow, and evolve from them. But also, one more thing to keep in mind if you do want to be a titleholder is that self-care is extremely important. It is impossible to pour from an empty cup.

I want to say a big Thank You to Castle McCulloch for providing a safe event for the Kink/Leather community. I also want to thank Tori and everyone else involved with LHPW. It is truly an awesome event, and I cannot wait to return. Thank you to CCFF and all those involved. Thank you for such a great time. I also want to give a big Thank You to Kinky Trivia for all the work they do for the community. If you have a chance to attend one of their events, I highly recommend it. Their games are so much fun, and you get to learn a lot as well. I also want to thank the Red Lions of Raleigh.

Since the last time I updated, I feel like I have finally been able to get back into the community by being able to do educational presentations at the MAST chapter of Jacksonville, NC and at Kink U in Raleigh, NC which was also streamed online. Kink U was an awesome experience as I was able to learn from other presenters from all over the country in seeing forms of kink and ways of looking at things from a completely different perspective.

I have also been fortunate enough to spend time with leather club members from other areas (Red Lions and Tradesmen). Being able to collaborate with different clubs to help the leather community grow has been exciting. Teaching others and learning from others is so important to help the leather community and its clubs last through the generations.

I have been able to participate in several charity events; the 8th anniversary of the Red Lions, the Blackheart Ball of the Tarheel Leather Club, and an event to help the Greensboro Pride raise funds for this years pride. I love seeing how much this community comes together to help others and I am so fortunate to be able to be part of that.

I would love to extend a giant thank you to everyone that has been so kind during this year. From the simple thing of checking in on me, to offering a place to stay during my travels. Also a big thank you to the other educators and presenters that I have met for showing me on how I can improve my way of teaching and presenting myself. Thank you to all the new friends I have made along the way for memories I will get to enjoy for a lifetime.

With spring being the season of new beginnings, I am excited to be going to several events in May that I have never been to before. The first of which being the Tradesmen Leather Club run in Augusta, and then later in the month I will be traveling to Chicago to attend the International Mr. Leather weekend. I am hoping during that weekend in Chicago that I have the opportunity to go to the Leather Archives and Museum. After that eventful weekend, I will be getting geared up to go back to my second home and chosen family, SELF. I cannot wait to welcome the contestants with open arms and see what they have to bring to the community.

It has been such an amazing journey this past year. It is extremely hard to put into words how much I have learned and grown. There will never be enough thank yous for everyone that has taken time to share their stories and knowledge with me. The Leather community truly is a family that takes care of its own and I cannot express how much I appreciate all the help and hospitality that I have received this year. I will never forget everyone who has helped me at events, invited me to said events, shared meals, and the vast amount of memories I have made with others. I am blessed to be in this community and know the people that I do, and I cannot wait to meet new people and make more friends. 

This year for me was all about bridging gaps between outlying communities. Whether it be age, race, gender, or sexuality. My goal is to make inclusivity more available in Leather spaces so we can join forces against those who do not support our community or our people. By simply having conversations and learning from each other, I believe we can fix a lot of these issues. It’s as simple as listening with an open heart and without preconceived notions. To first fix a problem, we must know what the problem is. Listening to the different points of view others have is the only way to learn.

This journey through the year has truly been an eye opener. Through this year the events I have attended I have learned that there are thousands of ways that leather can be done or perceived. There is no right or wrong way of doing things. But the one commonality is that we try to take care of each other. The leather lifestyle is a driving force behind many charitable and educational means for so many organizations. I believe that without the money raised and the education being taught we would be decades behind in HIV/AIDS and STI research and medications, taking the stigma away from therapy and mental health, and the research and funding for those who are gender non-conforming or transgender. I have also learned as in histories past, leather lifestyle is a family all in its own. Whether it be one of your local club members, friends who you only see at events, or someone that you met only once at a leather event, they are family. The ties that I have been able to make through this journey, especially this past year, I know I have made bonds that will last a lifetime. As SELF grows closer, I look forward to reigniting those bonds with friends from the past, and making new friends with the possibly of this being their first leather event. Seeing growth in the community was also one of my major goals. I believe by making the leather community more inclusive and opening our arms to those who need it will allow us to grow. I love our history and where we have come from and the rough road that we have had to travel to get where we are needs not to be forgotten. To continue down this road I believe that opening our hearts and doors to those who want to partake in the leather lifestyle is the only way to make it survive. With all the outside sources trying to bring us down, whether it be the government/state laws, radical people of many types, and many other anti-LGBTQIA+ organizations, we need as many people to help stand up and fight for our rights. This is not the time for us to be bickering between each other, this is the time for us to stand up and join forces as we have in the past so we can ensure that the LGBTQIA+ community, BDSM/kink community, and the Leather community can continue to exist. There are many amazing groups and people that are already doing this work and have also played a big part in my title year and I will never be able to thank them enough.

This is going to be a thank you to everyone who has helped me throughout my title year. Whether it be a big event or someone just simply taking the time to check in, just know all of the time and admiration that I have received will never be forgotten. There are so many people that have made an imprint on me this year, that I hope I can remember everyone but here is a list of several that I would truly want to thank in no particular order. I want to thank Ritual Steel and ATL Collective for having me and Apollo for allowing me to crash on your couch. Thank you to the Trademen for inviting me to your bar nights, House of Mercy Fundraiser, to be on your float for Charlotte pride, and for your amazing run! Also a thank you to Charlotte Pride and Greensboro Pride! Thank you to the Red Lions for having me at your bar nights, the teddy bear auction, and allowing me to be part of KinkU. Thank you to Talon clan of Greensboro for inviting me to your bar nights and your anniversary party. Thank you to Coastal Carolina Fetish Fair for inviting me to teach and holding a great event. Thank you to Kinky Trivia for allowing me to help with a game and for being a great and fun way to learn about the Kinky and Leather community. Thank you to the Leather and Leadership conference for having me, there was much to learn. And thank you to Master Angel of House of Reaper for hosting me at LLC. Thank you to Leather History Preservation Weekend for a great weekend filled with important leather history. I want to thank Wake Forest University for hosting a portion of the AIDs Quilt and allowing me to spend time honoring those who have passed. Thank you to the Jacksonville, NC MAST chapter for inviting me to teach and holding space. I want to thank Fetish Friday at Twist in Greensboro, NC for having me and throwing a great bar night. Thank you to Castle McCulluch for inviting me to talk about SELF at your Fetish Friday party. I want to thank those who put on the Greensboro Pride fundraiser event. I want to thank everyone who put on International Mr. Leather for having me and showing me a great time. I also want to thank my home club, Tarheel Leather Club, for all of your support that you have shown me this past year. I had a ball at our bar nights, Anniversary Picnic, and the Blackheart Ball. A big thank you to my Leather family for being there through all the highs and lows. Willy Tradesmen for sharing a title year and going to many events together. I want to give a huge thank you to my Sash family for being there, sharing space, and the constant check-ins to make sure we are all doing okay. And my loving partner, Dakota, for dealing with me day in and day out and helping me out so much through this title year. And last, but certainly not least, a giant thank you to South East Leather Fest. SELF would not be what it is without those who help keep it running, and to you I give my humble gratitude. Thank you for helping me start this journey of mine, and teaching me that everyone has something to add to the community.

And to those of you who have been following my journey on here, thank you. And always remember, when in doubt…shenanigans.

June 26, 2022 - Augusta Iron Rose
July 2, 2022 - Augusta Safe Kink
July 28-31, 2022 - M/s Gathering
September 1-5, 2022 - Master/slave Conference 
September 22-25, 2022 - Leather Leadership Conference
September 25, 2022 - MAsT Clifton
October 15, 2022 - Dominae of the Carolinas
November 4-6, 2022 - Leather History Preservation Weekend
December 1-4, 2022 - Carolina Coastal Fetish Fair
December 11, 2022 - MAsT Gettysburg
January 12, 2023 - MAsT DC Pan
March 9-12, 2023 - Leather Leadership Conference
March 23-26, 2023 - South Plains Leatherfest
April 22, 2023 - CAPEX
May 4-7, 2023 - The M/s Gathering
May 13, 2023 - PAK
May 14, 2023 - MAsT Greenville, SC
May 18-21, 2023 - Beyond Leather
June 8-11, 2023 - SouthEast LeatherFest

We have had many wonderful and unique experiences at SELF over the years. It has been a place of growth, challenge, service, and excitement for both of us, and has helped us mature in our leather journey as well as in our personal M/s dynamic. This year was no exception to that rule.

The 25th anniversary however was a very different SELF experience for us! We have been attendees many times, we have also presented at SELF many times, but neither of us had ever competed for a title. We were title run virgins!  @Lady Catherine is there a pin for that? LOL.  This was totally unfamiliar territory, and I had no idea what to expect.  For someone like me who hates surprises (control freak that I am), it was WAY outside my comfort zone.  My slave however handled the unknown with ease, and I was extremely proud of him.  (I wonder if handling the unknown comes with the right-side identification?  Hmmmm, something to ponder. 😊)

SELF challenged us in new ways this year and we learned many things. We learned that previous title holders are amazingly supportive and generous with their time. Master Blue and slave sheri, Master IceDog and slave ravyn, went out of their way to answer questions and help us prepare on a very short timetable. In preparing for our interview with questions supplied by Master IceDog and slave ravyn, we had long conversations.  After 7 years in an M/s dynamic I didn’t think there would be much we had not discussed and didn’t know about each other, but those conversations uncovered a few new twists I can’t wait to explore!!  It was a reminder that we are all constantly evolving.

We realized it takes a village to run for these titles.... it isn't easy, but once I told a few people we decided to run, I was humbled by the outpouring of support. Master Ben, Head of our NCM Leather Family collective offered to sponsor one of my auction baskets and supplied a custom made 3 1/2 ft, 16 plat Axel snake whip. JR Cigars donated a collection of cigars, a leather cigar case, cutter and torch lighter, and my Leather House (House of Valor) donated the large bottle of bourbon to accompany the cigars for a Bourbon and Cigar basket combo. Within my Leather House, Abbie and jack became our "handlers" (and if you don't know about handlers, trust me they are absolutely necessary). Abbie made sure my clothes were ready, that my corsets were laced, that I ate, stayed hydrated, was awake when I needed to be, and even ran people out of our room one night so we could get a few hours of sleep. jack did the same for neill and assisted him with errands because in addition to our title run we were scheduled to host a cocktail party meet and greet Thursday night, and we also hosted our Leather House/Family on Friday night to award leather and cover one of our own. Various House members stepped up and took charge of things to take it off our plate and they worked together to ensure things were done. Our House bootblack made sure our leathers were perfect, our House Leather Smith did a quick repair. Our House as a whole, helped newbies to SELF feel more comfortable, and I watched with pride as each member of our House grew from the SELF experience in different ways.

Cavalier Andy and Orange (former title holders themselves, turned “Den parents” to the contestants) watched over us in the “green room” and guided us backstage.  They were extremely supportive and great at wrangling all of us in and giving hugs when we needed them.  In fact, the entire staff of SELF was amazing.  They briefed us, debriefed us, and made sure we had everything we needed. 

Bottomline:  Growth is rarely easy, or comfortable. It takes us past our comfort zones, yet this experience reminded me how very worth it it is. All living things, which includes people and relationships, either grows or dies. Stagnant is never a healthy option for long. I am sure I will need to remind myself of that repeatedly this next year as I navigate my slave and I through the new experiences of our title year as the new Southeast Master/slave 2022. 😊 There will be much to learn, and much to share.  I am excited and I’m grateful for the support system we have around us, which includes Lady Catherine, the SELF staff and board, our Leather House and Family, our title family both past and present, and our many wonderful and supportive friends! Thank you all for what you have done, and will no doubt continue to do to support us this next year! Your calls, notes of congratulations, and invitations mean a great deal to both of us. We appreciate you more than you could ever know.  I would also like to say how fortunate we are to have such wonderful “sash siblings”.  You are all amazing and so deserving of your titles!! (@Apollo – SE Bootblack 2022, @MiaRose – MS SE Leatherfest 2022, @Max – Mr. SE Leatherfest 2022)

A special thanks to our judges (@ Khalid El Bey, Kali Onyx, SwitchyButch, and WaywardSoul) for giving us this phenomenal opportunity.  Thank you for believing in us and in our message.  We appreciate you and will do our best to honor our title and represent well.

We have had so many wonderful experiences since beginning our title year in June!  We have gone to local munches, attended three major conferences (Master/slave Gathering in Wilmington Delaware, the Master/slave Conference in College Park Maryland, and Leather Leadership Conference in Atlanta, GA).  At LLC we taught two classes: “The effects of the COVID Pandemic on People and Organizations”, and “Balance or Burnout”, and had an opportunity for a little play time with the wonderful people of FLAIR!  We have also taught virtually at MAsT Clifton on “The Long Haul: Building and Maintaining a strong M/s relationship”, and as things are starting to open back up, our teaching calendar is expanding rapidly, which we love.  If you would like to know where we will be next, I believe the wonderful staff of SELF has our calendar on this website, and you may also find it on my FetLife page which I’m doing my best to update often:  https://fetlife.com/users/3512217/posts.  If you would like us to teach at your event, please reach out.

We have connected with so many people these last few months, made new friends, hugged longtime friends we haven’t seen in years, and have had the opportunity to share our relationship and our experiences over coffee or a meal, as well as in a classroom setting.  One of the unexpected joys of our patches is people feel freer to approach us and ask questions or start deeper conversations.  In addition to approaching us in person, we have gotten calls, emails, and instant messages asking questions about starting or maintaining an Authority Transfer Dynamic, about the Leather Community in general, and about Mental Health challenges in these unique times.

I’m a psychologist and have a passion for helping people suffering from anxiety and depression within our community.  This is a major issue right now due in part to the Covid lock downs and the loss of their kink community support system these last 2+ years.  Even as events are slowly opening up, many are still terrified to plug back in.  Living in fear for almost 3 years takes an enormous toll emotionally and psychologically.  It has also impacted organizations and dungeons, many of them have been forced to close, and some that are opening up are under new leadership who desperately need support.  The LGBTQAI++ community has been hit hard, and many don’t realize suicide rates in this segment of our community has risen by a startling 25% over the last 2 years.  Isolation, and online only contact, has created an environment ripe for predators and abuse within new Power Exchange/Authority Transfer Relationships because individuals are far more vulnerable without the education and support of their community and chosen family. New people exploring these types of relationships often are exposed to poor if not totally misleading information, and at one munch we heard someone talking about M/s dynamics being “strictly pretend” or “extremely abusive”.  Walking up and introducing ourselves to this individual as the Southeast Master/slave 2022 was fun, LOL, but it also allowed us to have a real conversation about authority based relationships and relate it to things he was already familiar with (note: he is currently serving in the military).  Being able to once again offer support and education has been very rewarding but there is much work to do in the community to reach, teach, support, and empower individuals who need the support of their community.  Zoom has been a wonderful tool that helped fill the gap as much as possible during Covid and continues to offer additional contact and education from a distance, but nothing replaces the in-person education and the personalized support that is desperately needed.  I am grateful we are opening back up. 

slave neill and I have also had an opportunity to discuss the topic of neurodivergence within our community.  This is an important issue to us since he struggles with that issue personally and has tried to hide it for most of his life.  Even as a professional in the field I must admit it is hard sometimes to read him or communicate easily when his emotions (which are deep and strong), often don’t match his facial expressions and body language.  Over our 7 ½ years together this has been our biggest challenge.  It has been a difficult learning curve for both of us, but we have grown in unexpected ways as a result.  He has learned to be more open, more congruently expressive, and how to smile and laugh readily.  I have learned to read him better and how to get him to communicate at times he thinks he is communicating but isn’t.  Because of our personal experiences and challenges, and the often-unrecognized prevalence of neurodivergence within our community, we are both excited to see this topic discussed openly at events.  We have been able to learn from others, as well as share what has and is working for us.

Our producer asked us what we were passionate about.  Those of you who know Lady Catherine know she rarely asks a question she doesn’t already know the answer to, and she knows us well, but it made me ask myself how to concisely explain why we chose to run for this title, and why we will go on to South Plains Leatherfest in March of 2023 to compete for the International Title.  My answer was:

We are passionate about the strength diversity brings to our community and recognize we must be mindful in meeting the needs of and valuing all segments of our community. This is inclusive of all gender identifications, roles, age, race, socioeconomic station, education, kink interests, sexual identification, and differing ableness. This is not a checklist, to make a difference we must live this philosophy.

We are passionate about helping support, encourage, and assist those who have been deeply affected by the loss of their community these last few years. 

We are passionate about helping those new to the lifestyle build the type of relationship that meets their needs while staying safe.

We are passionate about educating those within our community who may not have been exposed to real life authority transfer relationships, especially the Master/slave dynamic, and dispel the myths and misinformation.  I want people to understand who W/we are and know that while it is not right for everyone, it is not abusive, is consensual, and deeply feeds those of us who choose to walk this path. My slave and I wear the titles of “Master” and “slave” proudly and without apology!

As we have engaged the community at a broader level these last few months I have added:

Support and add our voice to those who are teaching on neurodivergence.  This is a hugely important issue in our community, and I believe it falls in line with our mental and emotional health agenda.

In closing, I would be completely remiss if I did not thank the many International, and Regional M/s Title holders, including our fabulous current international pair, Master Beast and slave echo, for their support and guidance.  You guys have reached out and embraced us, offered advice, answered questions, made introductions, and we are deeply grateful to each of you who have poured into our lives past, present, and no doubt will in times to come. (((Hugs)))

It is hard to believe we are halfway through our title year!!!! The last 6 months have been a wonderful whirlwind of travel, teaching, meeting new people, reconnecting, and having some deep and very meaningful conversations.  We have treasured each trip, each opportunity to share our journey and encourage others, and have also loved those moments we have intentionally created to continue to grow us.

Since SELF in June, we hit the ground running.  Serving the community and teaching has always been a joy for us, and the last 6 months have been busier than ever. We have been to local munches and discussion groups, as well as conferences like MsG, MsC, and LLC.  Just since our last column update, we have been to and taught at:

*September 25th - MAsT Clifton, NJ-virtual via Zoom
Topic: In it for The Long Haul
https://fetlife.com/events/1179513

*October 15th - DoC presentation in Charlotte
Topic:  “Female Lead Authority Transfer Relationships - from Play to Property”
https://fetlife.com/events/1176476

*November 4/6- Leather History Preservation Weekend
My slave and I were honored to be sponsors of LHPW, and to additionally sponsor both East and West Coast portions of the Leather Quilt being displayed at this event for all to experience.  Many had never seen the quilt in its entirety.
https://fetlife.com/groups/152997/posts/20926088

*December 1-4, 2022 - Taught at Carolina Coastal Fetish Fair
We taught 5 (90 minute) classes and one 3 hour intensive.  We had a blast and were able to answer a lot of questions on authority transfer dynamics as well as help with skill-based information.
https://fetlife.com/events/1071338

*December 11th - presented for MAsT Gettysburg via zoom.
Topic: “Balance or Burnout”

Our schedule for 2023 is starting to get busy too and we are excited!

*January 12th - presenting for MAsT: DC Pan via Zoom
Topic: The Strength of Diversity and including mental and emotional challenges

*March 9-12, 2023 LLC
Classes: 1) Dealing with Drama in your Organization; 2) Same Page Same Book; 3) Know your why!
https://www.leatherleadership.org/

*March 23-26, 2023 - South Plains Leatherfest
Home of the International Master/slave Competition
https://www.southplainsleatherfest.com/home.html

*April 22, 2023 - Teaching at CAPEX (in Charlotte, NC)
Topic:  “Handling Problems in a Power Exchange Relationship”

*May 13, 2023 / Teaching at PAK in Greenville, SC
Topic: Whips

*May 14, 2023 - MAsT Greenville, SC
Topic: Growth, just beyond your comfort zone.

*June 8-11 - Southeast Leatherfest in Atlanta
https://seleatherfest.com/

I will have to admit, holding a title is not at all what I thought it was prior to our decision to run.  It is truly amazing, and our experiences have been fantastic.  For those of you who know very little about leather title contests, you are not alone.   I am embarrassed to admit I had virtually no knowledge of them, or what having a title entailed beyond seeing folks on stage a certain events, but when we were approached about running this year, we were told the M/s title was primarily a teaching title and we wanted to be part of the covid recovery and help the community in any way we could.  From the moment we decided to run we received support from previous title holders, and since winning, our producer, Lady Catherine, as well as Regional and International M/s titleholders from around the country have gone out of their way to answer questions and support us.  The current and past title holders I have met are some of the most amazing, hardworking community ambassadors I have ever known!   Those are big shoes to fill, but hopefully when all is said and done, we will have made a positive difference.  That is our goal. 

We are now gearing up for the International M/s competition which will be held at Southplains Leatherfest in Dallas Texas on March 23-26th.  It is going to be a marvelous event and HUGE.  Tomo, the producer, is doing an amazing job and the hotel will be exclusive to the event.  If you are so inclined we would be delighted to have your support there.  We have been honored by the sponsorship of the Woodshed in Orlando (Master Cecil and Darcy) who are helping with our travel, and CatDragon Designs who are assisting with our wardrobe. We are deeply grateful to you both for your support and friendship.  I would also like to thank two of our dear friends and members of our Leather House, Abbie and jack, who will be handling us at Southplains and helping to keep us sane and on task.  We love you guys, and look forward to returning the favor some day!

Lastly, we know the Holidays are difficult for many and would like to take this opportunity to wish you joy with true friends, your family of choice, and those you hold dear.  Please take time for whatever selfcare you need.

In Leather and Service,

Master Varii and slave neill

It is the end of February already, time has flown since we were sashed in June.  We have been very busy, teaching and traveling a lot (usually a few times a month), also volunteering where needed, and things aren’t likely to slow down any time soon.  Old dogs really do learn new tricks, LOL, as we have become skilled with zoom, even enjoy it.  I admit in person classes will always be my preference though.  Before and after a class are often times when those deeper conversations occur and we get an opportunity to really make deep personal connections.  

In March alone we will be gone Thursday through Monday every week, but we aren’t complaining.  In truth those trips, and preparing a lot of our new M/s relationship classes, have provided an opportunity for us to talk about aspects of our dynamic that have become so automatic for us that we have taken them a little for granted (much like a second skin).  Dissecting what we do, asking why we do it, looking for ways to effectively share our relationship, and talk about what we have learned, has helped us grow in new ways. As we have looked at all those things we have also had an opportunity to explore new ways to increase the intensity between us where things have gotten a little too automatic.  Traveling to and from events, and during events when we retire to our room, has given us time to focused solely on us.  That has been a gift in our title year that was totally unexpected.

I have also had an opportunity to share some pieces of my personal life that aren’t obvious.  My father was Cherokee and Creek, my great grandmother was a medicine woman, a shaman, so am I.   My ancestry and its influence on my life runs deep, and though my skin is alabaster, like my mother (English/Irish), my beliefs are firmly rooted in native culture, and I treasure my heritage.  It affects everything I do, gives me strength, feeds my primal nature, and influences my Mastery.    I love that side of myself and as I have shared some of those influences I have discovered many other Native Americans within the community who haven’t talked about those influences on their lives and on their relationships. I look forward to doing some research on this topic at a future date.  If anyone knows of a book about Native Americans in the lifestyle please let me know.  I have my personal experiences but would love to connect with others.

neill and I have been together now a little over 8 years, and before running for Southeast Master/slave I would have told you we knew each other extremely well.  That would have been true, we do, but I have been reminded that people are always evolving.  We have by necessity learned to communicate well over the years, though the two of us communicate differently.  He is neurodivergent, and I happen to think in a very concrete, linear way (complete with at least 3 back up plans for most things, LOL). As you might imagine we have had to develop some heightened communication techniques over the years.  Though I communicate well, I’m not a micromanager, nor is that necessary with my slave; however, I have had to learn to “inspect what I expect” until I am certain we are on the same page, and in the same book.  This actually became a new class that we will debut at LLC in a couple weeks called “Same Page Same Book” and was primarily conceived by my slave because I would say “I thought we were on the same page”, and his response was “me too, but I guess I was in a different book”!   Even with all our time together and the smoothness of our protocols, due to the added conversations necessary while preparing new classes and getting ready to compete for the International M/s title at South Plains Leatherfest in Dallas the end of March, I have developed a new appreciation for the evolution of people and relationships.  We all continue to change, hopefully that is through growth, rather than deterioration due to stagnation, but one thing is certain, neither slave neill nor myself are the same as we were when we started this journey 8 years ago.  We have evolved and continue to do so.  As a Master part of my job is to manage that evolution in ways that keep us growing in the same direction.  Oddly perhaps, our title journey has helped us do that.

A confession:  Being a title holder is very different than I imagined.  Before we ran for the Southeast M/s title, I thought of title contests a little like the leather equivalent of a beauty contest, and make no mistake there are some strikingly gorgeous title holders in our ranks, but we weren’t that. LOL   When it was suggested that we consider running for the title this year, it honestly caught me off guard.  Because it was suggested by someone I respect and trust I decided to look into it.  I discovered the M/s title is primarily a teaching title.  All titles are to some degree, but that is a big part of our responsibility.  We both love to teach and I have done so for decades.  All titles are community service titles…. We help and serve the community in any way possible and always have, so maybe this wasn’t as strange a fit as I originally thought.  Since we are coming out of the covid years of isolation there were gaps to fill and bridges to build.  We decided to roll up our sleeves and help where we could.  What I can tell you now from a very different perspective is title holders, as a whole, are some of the hardest working individuals you will ever meet.  We have had the opportunity to meet some of the most amazing people at all title levels from local club titles, to international title holders, and they all work, they help raise money for charities, raise awareness, and champion community causes that make all our lives better.  They teach, they are empowering leaders, and the vast majority of those we have met are also humble.  We are grateful to have been embraced and supported by this wonderful new family of title holders.  They understand that it isn’t always easy, but it is absolutely worth it in my opinion.  These amazing individuals make a big difference in the community, and they work long after their title years are over.  If you get a chance to say thank you to these individuals, please do.  We have been inspired by those we have met and challenged to be the best Southeast Master/slave we can be.  If you are a leader who wants to become part of this amazing title family, SELF contestant applications are open, but the due date is April 1st.  I promise you, your title year will be both demanding, and one of the most rewarding things you can do in the community.

As we prepare for South Plains Leatherfest and get ready to compete for the International Master/slave 2023 we have been deeply grateful for the support of people and organizations throughout our region.   Some organizations have held special events to raise money to be sponsors (thank you MAsT Greenville and PAK), DoC (Dominae of the Carolinas), BFD (Black Femdoms of Atlanta), dungeons have reached out and embraced us (thank you Woodshed Orlando and the Loft NC), the leather bar we love in Charlotte offered to support us (thank you Woodshed Charlotte/Timothy Lee), CAPEX (our home dungeon in Charlotte), we have also received amazing support from Latinos in Leather and Servant’s Retreat as sponsors, our Leather House and Family (House of Valor and NCM Leather Family), and Fat Unicorn Toys generously  provided awesome and colorful toys for our auction basket (truly a full toy bag worth of amazing stuff complete with glow in the dark materials). 

I would be remiss if I didn’t thank our producer Lady Catherine Gross for her support every step of this wonderful journey, and in helping us navigate the road to International!  Thank you to those who served on our mock panels, a big thank you to previous title holders across the country who have cheered us on and answered many questions.  There have been those who have given us sage advice and needed reminders about self-care (especially sleep, which I truly wish was optional).   I realize there are some terrific M/s pairs in our International title class, and we have some dynamic judges.  I promise you we will go to Dallas ready, will do our best, and if we win we will work very hard to make a positive difference worthy of the support we have received.  We are humbled by your generosity and belief in us!

It is hard to believe it is April 2023.  Time has flown since we were sashed last June.  Slave neill and I have been traveling a lot this year and though we took two weeks off after South Plains to rest and then to host a bio-family reunion, we aren’t slowing down.  On April 22 we will be at CAPEX in Charlotte, NC teaching a class on “Dealing with problems in authority transfer dynamics”, we will also be teaching Energy 101 at the Loft in Gastonia on the 23rd.   In May: We will be at MsG in Wilmington Delaware, 3-8; teaching whips at PAK May 13th in Greenville, SC; teaching at MAsT Greenville, SC May 14th; ; and  Beyond Leather in West Palm Beach, Fl, May 18-21st.   In June we will be returning to where this wild ride began as we slide into home at SELF (Southeast Leatherfest 2023) in Atlanta, GA June 8th -11th.   We will be teaching two classes and serving on a panel at SELF, plus our Leather House is the Leather Quilt sponsor and a Diamond Sponsor as well as hosting two social events. One of our House members is the “Fun Chair” for SELF so we will be there in full force!  If you have never been to SELF we encourage you to attend and experience it. If you have been before, we look forward to seeing you again!  There will be classes, socials, dungeons, leather contests, panels, and the full leather quilt on display!  SELF makes a difference, and this year the theme is EVOLVE so come evolve with us.

As I look back and reflect on our title year thus far I feel incredibly fortunate.  Both neill and I have grown in unexpected ways both individually and together.  The year has been fun as well as challenging at times, but what I will remember most is the incredible people I have met through this experience. 

• It is because of our title year we met Beast and echo (the International Master/slave 2022) who are truly exceptional individuals that give so much of themselves to this community.  They have been, and continue to be, a source of inspiration and examples of how to lead with courage, strength, authenticity, and vulnerability!  We have learned much from their example.
• It is because of our title year we met Daddy Daun and slave girl j (International Master slave 2017), both are wonderful examples of devotion and service to the community! They are honest, encouraging, and they work at finding the beauty in life.  Watching the two of them together is a joy!
• It is because of our title year we met Liza and jody (International Master slave 2011) they truly lead with integrity, kindness, and compassion in all they do.   It is because of them we also met an incredible group of people we now consider friends in the Northwest, and we look forward to growing and deepening those friendships for a lifetime.
• It is because of our title year that we have experienced many firsts, and I must say one of the most memorable firsts I have experienced was giving The Goddess Indigo a lap dance on stage at SPLF!  ROFL – you would have had to be there!   I would like to take this opportunity to wish The Goddess Indigo all the best in her title run for Ms Texas Leather. She is elegant, gorgeous, intelligent, and a wonderful human being!
• It is because of our title year that we realized what we have done in the community over the years actually mattered.  We have been teaching, serving on boards, and volunteering in the community for decades, but during this last year, folks came forward to share their stories, to say thank you, to encourage us, and to support our efforts! We have been touched by the love and support throughout our Southeast community. Please know, each and every one of you are appreciated more than you can imagine! 
• It is because of our title year a woman we have known for well over a decade and considered a friend, became a close confidant, and trusted support. A HUGE thank you to our producer, a force of nature, and a woman with a heart of gold, Lady Catherine Gross.  You are truly #inaclassallyourown.

We look forward to what the future holds. 

It has been our privilege to represent the Southeast, the M/s community, SELF, and female led relationships within our leather community as the SE 2022 Master/slave pair.  It has been both a joy and a challenge; we are grateful for both.

I was recently asked what we learned about ourselves and our community during our title year.  As I thought about my answer, I realized the question covers a lot of territory, but I would like to take this opportunity to share at least part of my answer with you. 

This has been a year of growth for both of us on many levels.  We have been together for over 8 years and as we developed new classes and prepared for competition interviews, we revisited topics we haven't talked about for a long time.  In some areas we realized we had gotten comfortable (i.e., complacent).   It takes very little for activities to move from mindful and meaningful, to simply habit and repetition.  People grow, needs sometimes change, so those conversations were needed to allow us to continue to learn new things about each other, to make a few adjustments, and to continue to grow in new ways.  There were many challenges this last year, some expected and others totally unexpected, but we became stronger individually and together with each challenge we encountered.  We “leaned in” both to each other, and into our dynamic. We evolved!

We met many wonderful people throughout our title year, a number of which we probably would never have met had we not been titleholders.  We developed some lifelong friendships and have become more involved on the national and international stage. 

I learned a lot about titleholders.  I learned that the title holders we respect are some of the hardest working people in our community, and that their service to the community extends long after their title year ends! Many of them are unsung heroes, they serve in whatever way they are needed, often not in ways that put them in the spotlight.  They serve out of love for the community, respect for those who have gone before us, and they attempt to pay it forward at every opportunity.  Those individuals embraced us, encouraged us, and surrounded us with love and support.  They are examples of what I was taught were the fundamental principles of Leather:  Honor, Integrity, Authenticity, and Service.  We are deeply grateful, and we are better people for knowing them!

The M/s title is first and foremost a teaching title and we were busy!  We often attended or taught 2-3 times a month in person somewhere, and also taught classes over Zoom.  We covered 8 states, most more than once, and traveled over 18,000 miles.  We taught on the variety and scope of authority transfer dynamics from play to property (Top/bottom to O/p); the importance of continued growth; building healthy, sustainable authority imbalance dynamics; and talked about M/s dynamics specifically and our version of it while encouraging others to find what works for them.  We taught classes on problem-solving styles within authority transfer relationships and focused on effective communications. We developed a class called “Same page, same book” that addresses power imbalance dynamics and communication techniques when one, or both partners are neurodivergent.  We even had fun with a few skill based classes that looked at how play and/or protocols can reinforce a healthy dynamic.  For us this mission of education and supporting all parts of our community is one we are passionate about.  We taught long before we were titleholders and will continue long after our title year ends, but this past year gave us the opportunity to teach in new places and encouraged us to develop new classes that responded to the needs we saw in the community.  The title patches often appeared to invite people to talk to us and open up more.  They asked us questions about our relationship, and we spent time talking with people who were curious about power imbalance relationships, and some who were struggling to find what worked for them.  They also asked many questions about what Leather means to us, and we were able to share a part of our heart.  Hopefully through the classes and conversations we were able to offer both information and support.  I hope we made a difference for some.   

Traveling and teaching as much as we have, we also became acutely aware of the work that still needs to be done in some areas of our community. Some issues we anticipated, others we did not.  We have seen the challenges, abuse, misinformation, and disconnect that occurred due to the imposed social isolation of the COVID years but are pleased to report that while recovery is still a process, we are seeing amazing resilience as local groups are reestablishing, classes and demos are back, and MAsT groups and other types of support groups are able to meet in person again.  Our community needs each other, and we are thrilled to see local and regional leaders stepping up to meet the needs of the community.  Zoom continues to thrive and that is good.  It gives access to classes and top-tier teachers that many groups could not afford to bring in otherwise, but nothing can replace the hugs, mentorship, and face to face support of our family of choice.   

What we didn’t anticipate was the tolerance for drama and prejudice that we witnessed in some areas.    We would like to believe the leather community is inclusive and honorable by definition, but unfortunately that is not always the case and sometimes that lack of integrity is manifested in surprising ways, especially online.  I have read the studies in the Lancet, Psychiatric journals, and NIH about the effects of social isolation on discrimination, and the deterioration of basic social skills and courtesy, but it was shocking to me to see how much it has impacted our kink community.  There are also a fair number of articles on cyberbullying and online intimidation as a way for individuals with low self-esteem to feel powerful as they sit behind a keyboard.  In my psychology practice I used to call it a game of “I’m OK if you’re not”, but online it appears some individuals think it is a sport.  Others of us have forgotten that not everything we see online or hear via the gossip vine is accurate. As The Goddess Rulz said so eloquently recently “Are we buying our tar and feathers in bulk?”  Sadly, we have seen and experienced more prejudice in the last year than I have seen in my almost four decades of involvement in the community.  Racial and cultural prejudice abounds.  We are a diverse community, and we do a great disservice to people by lumping them into any category strictly based on skin color.  Two people of the same skin color may have completely different cultural influences. In the United States many of us are of mixed ancestry and no, it isn’t always obvious.   In my case I was told I shouldn’t talk about my indigenous heritage even though it is a large part of my belief system and is a treasured part of who I am. I was told I’m “too white” and doing so was disrespectful, or would be seen as using it for personal gain.  I’m deeply grateful to Ms Jay Iron for kicking my ass and setting me straight on that, and Sister, I give you my word I will never again let my voice be silenced.  Agism is rampant, and it isn’t just a disregard for those in the TNG age group as you might expect.  Older members of our community are discounted and told to “sit down and get out of the way” rather than respected and valued for their knowledge, experience, and service.  Misogyny is sadly still alive and well, more in some areas of the country than others, and not always in the areas you might suspect.  I have rarely encountered those attitudes in NC, SC, or Georgia, but have certainly witnessed it this year in other places. For some it is a cultural challenge to be overcome.  Uniquely abled individuals including neurodivergent, those on the autistic spectrum, those who have anxiety or other emotional challenges, and those who have physical challenges, are sometimes misunderstood and have a hard time feeling welcomed.   In many ways it boils down to an attitude of “if you are different from “us” (whichever “us” you want to insert here) we don’t accept you.”  We have become more segregated rather than inclusive during COVID as a whole and have developed a us versus them mentality in some areas.  Don’t misunderstand, special groups and spaces, often referred to as “safe spaces” are at times a needed reprieve, but how can we grow as an inclusive community if we don’t also step out of that comfort zone, share space, and actually get to know each other?   Well, I’m an older, well-educated, indigenous, heteroflexible, Leather Master (She/Her pronouns) who has a fetish for stilettos.  I also have a male slave who is neurodivergent, brilliant, pansexual, strong, and has a dry wit.  LOL, we don’t neatly fit into any box. 

Hopefully, we have helped build bridges of education and inclusion, but we, as a community, need to do better, be better.  Most people in our community talk about the importance of inclusion, but don't always walk the talk.  Inclusion isn't about checking boxes; it is about changing attitudes!  It is about truly accepting people for who they are rather than judging them (good or bad) based solely on gender, sexuality, race, culture, age, or ableness.  Genuine inclusion is about respect (giving it AND being willing to earn it). There are many amazing people, and a few assholes, in every segment of our community.  I suppose it will always be that way, just as it is in other areas of society, but we shouldn’t just accept that behavior in our ranks or make excuses for it.  In my opinion it would be more accurate to judge people based on their attitudes (respect for others) and actions (how they treat others and serve the community) than on any other criteria.  It is my hope as we continue to come together, post the Covid shutdowns, we can build on what I have always thought of as foundational principles of building community through personal responsibility, integrity, and service.  It is counter to what I think of as “leather” to tolerate back biting drama, gossip, prejudice, and cliquishness.  Let’s be adults.  If you hear something that concerns you, try going directly to the person and asking questions.  Recognize that gossip is seldom accurate, but it is always destructive.

This has been one hell of a year!  We are extremely grateful for our producer, Lady Catherine. She has been amazing, and we felt her love and support every step of the way (the same has been true with Jack who I'm convinced is superhuman).  We love you both.  We also want to thank the countless number of people and organizations who supported us throughout the year both in the Southeast and across the country.  Our Leather House and greater leather family were there for us without fail and pitched in to help with anything we needed.  Our title siblings have been incredible, and they are family for life.  Andy has a special place in my heart, and I have a permanent memory of him as “Guardian Andy” standing shoulder to shoulder with my boy at my back when I needed a safe emotional space.  When our handler became ill and needed surgery Scarlett stepped in, came to Dallas, and managed both of us like a pro, and if she had to step away, Tidbit (who I now think of as Goose because of the Top Gun flight suit) and Andy would magically appear. You guys are wonderful, and I would trust you with my life.

While it would be impossible for me to mention everyone who has had a major impact on our lives this year, I need to give a special "Thank You" to Beast and echo, the 2022 International Master/slave title holders!  They blazed a trail that truly inspired us and still does.  They were there to offer congratulations and support the night we were “sashed” at SELF and throughout our title year have led by example.  Their work in the community is astounding, but where they truly shine is one on one.  They genuinely care.  They are leaders who build other leaders and don’t tolerate bullshit.  Beast and echo, neill and I would fight with you in the trenches any day and are honored to call you our friends.    

July 28, 2022 - The M/s Gathering  
October 1, 2022 - Service Oriented Conference (SOC)
October 1, 2022 - Kink Basics: Knife Play - The Virtual Side
October 5, 2022 - Peer Share Discussion
October 6, 2022 - Erotic Leather Worship with Master Leo - A Virtual, LIVE Demo Hosted by HOK
October 9, 2022 - MAsT Gettysburg October Meeting
October 11, 2022 - Online Primal Support Group
October 14, 2022 - Bootblack Round Up
October 19, 2022 - PK Presents: The Art of Apology
October 22, 2022 - PK Presents: When Shit Gets Complicated - A Primer on Mental Crisis First Aid for Kinksters
October 22-23, 2022 - Villains Halloween Soiree Hosted by Casa de la Unicorn
October 23, 2022 - Netflix & ACTUALLY Chill: Peer Discussion on Asexuality in Polyamory, Leather, and Kink
October 27, 2022 - All About Lacing! Lacing Styles for Bootblacks with Apollo Bound Hosted by HOK
November 4-6, 2022 - Leather History Preservation Weekend
November 8, 2022 - PK Presents: Boundary Expression and Enforcement
November 10, 2022 - Old Cover/New Cover: The Evolution of Leather with Master "Daddy" Zulu Hosted by HOK
November 18, 2022 - "It's Kushti to Rokka" Dismantling AntiRomanyism and Misinformation on Gypsies in Leather & Kink and Beyond
December 1-4, 2022 - Naughty Noel
December 3, 2022 - PK Presents: Advanced Bootblack Kit Building
December 8, 2022 - Florida Power Exchange Conference
December 8, 2022 - A Holiday Interview with Legendary Leatherman Race Bannon
January 5, 2023 - Capture and Torture Techniques of Hojojutsu with Tomo
January 18, 2023 - PK Presents: Companion Service
February 9, 2023 - BDSM on the Autism Spectrum with Akashic Eden Hosted by HOK
March 2, 2023 - Personality and Responsibility of the Primal by Chx Hosted by HOK
March 9, 2023 - Crybaby: Dacryphilia - Crying Kink and Fetish, and CATHARSIS Play with Apollog Bound Hosted by HOK
April 20-23, 2023 - IMsLBB
April 28-30, 2023 - THRIVE
May 3-5, 2023 - Frolicon
June 8-11, 2023 - SouthEast LeatherFest
July 8-11, 2023 - Kink Weekend OKC
September 21-25, 2023 - World Bear Weekend
September 28 - October 2, 2023 - 2023 Women of Drummer Contest Weekend
October 12-15, 2023 - Bootblack Round Up
November 3-5, 2023 - Leather History Preservation Weekend

Running for SouthEast Bootblack 2022 made the weekend feel simultaneously like a whirlwind, and like it was going at a snail's pace. The Bootblack Title runner’s schedule is particularly tight given there is a certain technicality to this position, and I felt like I barely had more than 5 minutes alone in my room at a time because I was either in the middle of a competition category, inhaling food, or socializing as is equally expected of me as a contestant. The only time I was really in my room was to sleep or shower.

So, it was over a month of intense, nonstop prep for me as SELFs contest approached… all for one weekend and 10 minutes on a stage. That, to me, was worth it. It was all worth it. 

I received so many kind words that weekend. That I was so well-spoken, that I can do an amazing shine, that I present myself well and that I’m an easy person to give points to… certainly helps my confidence! But when I won, it felt… 

Well, I’d first argue that I didn’t “win” anything.

I didn’t get “finally recognized” for something I “deserved” – though everyone there would fight anyone who’d say I didn’t deserve it – but it felt… natural. I was confident I’d earn the Title, as was everyone else. I was their dark horse, as I was called multiple times this weekend. I worked hard to get where I am, and I presented my raw and honest self as best I could. I am a Bootblack at my core, and now I bear the badge of honor that shows I’m one on the outside, too. I am proud of myself for being brave, and I am proud to represent my community and I hope I do it well. 

So when I won, I stepped into a place I felt at home in. I was hugged, I was congratulated, I was wrapped into conversations of being at other, future events, I got the whole spiel. I realized more readily how important this was… to me, and to my community. I have responsibilities now. However, I will take them on happily and responsibly, because that’s my job now, too. 

I’ve learned quite a lot, as well. I learned to stay open, humble, and honest. I learned a lot about Leather, about my community members, about Title Holding, and most essentially… about myself. 

I was a Bootblack, but was I a Leatherperson? Like how some nonbinary people do not identify under the Transgender label despite some arguing they are technically so anyway, I identified myself with bootblacking but not with Leather. I wanted to do things the “right” way, I wanted to be respectful. I felt I hadn’t deserved the label of Leather yet because… well, I hardly owned any leather, and I felt I didn’t know the history and significance of the culture well enough yet. However, at SELF I realized two things. 

One, Bootblacks ARE Leather. 

And two, Leather is not what I thought it was anyway. Leather is a never-ending quest — you are eternally an ever-growing student of Leather. And there is no RIGHT WAY! There is simply your way. Your family’s way. Your House’s way. And Leather is not what you wear, not entirely. Some people wear leather but aren’t Leather. Y’know. Leather is how you choose to walk through life.

I underwent a metamorphosis from an apprehensive, unsure Leather-interested person that weekend to A, capital A Leatherperson. To me, Leather now means being who you are wholly, naturally, and authentically. It means being a pillar of my community and being of service to them. It means entering a Leather space and feeling at home. 

Over this next year, I am so excited to get to be the educator I’ve always dreamed of being, and being able to further give back to my community. I am excited for all the events I’ll be attending where I get to be surrounded by my people, and get to meet so many more of you! And I look forward to all the exciting new places I get to travel thanks to SELF. 

Speaking of thanks… Thank you to those of you that made me realize who I am. That helped me find my soul, my family, and my purpose. 

Firstly, I want to thank my primary partner Elliot for being my guard dog and calming force that weekend. Thank you to friend & play partner Autrui and my pack for having my back and helping me prepare. Thank you to my friend Lilith for keeping me organized. Thank you to my titleholder family: Ms. Mia Rose, Max, Master Varii and slave neill — for being so passionate, strong, brave and supportive. 

Thank you to Master Cecil and The Woodshed Orlando for sponsoring me, taking me in, and being the foundation of my community. Thank you to Sir Leo and leathergem for your kind words that strengthened my resilience to move forward. Thank you to Lady Catherine for believing in me and encouraging me to run. 

Thank you to my auction basket donors: Chromaknotz, Beyond Piercing, Dye Addict Rope, P&C Creations MI, Lady Eos Products, Paradox at Battle Born Leather Care, Master Penguin, Sir Crow, and Olliefoxx Leather. You rock! 

Thank you to my Den Parents, Cavalier Andy and Jennifer for keeping me focused, on-track, confident and calm. Thank you Tidbit and Ms. Tori for being my guides and being SELFs amazing Bootblack Coordinators. 

Thank you to my technical judges Lee and AJ for being kind, knowledgeable, and supportive. Thank you to Kupcake for being another amazing local bootblack and technical judge! Thank you to head judge Khalid for your warmth, smiles, and guidance. Thank you to surprise judge WaywardSoul for sitting in my stand and having one of the vital conversations with me that changed my perspective of Leather. Thank you to judge SwitchyButch for your invigorating, interesting questions. Thank you to judge Kali Onyx for your insightful conversations.

(and can’t forget! — Thank you Country! It was an honor to shine your boots, to follow the lineage of winners who got to touch them, and to hear your stories.) 

Thank you to Boris for sitting in my stand, too, and being very funny! Thank you to Sir Edgar and slave raven for reminding me to drink water. Thank you to Jack, Miss Bettie, Scarlett, ABizzy, and Dawn for keeping things running. Thank you to our past Titleholders 2019 and beyond for paving the way and being the pillars I looked up to until I made it here, myself. Thank you to Something Wicked for your generosity and gift to me after my win. 

 And finally, thank you to all the rest of the attendees, volunteers, and SELF staff that over the course of the weekend changed my perspective of Leather. Thank you. 

So far on my journey as a Titleholder, I’ve already been to so many places.

The first stop after winning was TES Fest in Piscataway, New Jersey, where I was graciously hosted and fed by Sir Edgar and slave raven (Thank you! Y’all are my conference parents basically).

I remember how friendly and accommodating the staff were — both the TES volunteers, and the hotel staff. I signed on as a Bootblack volunteer, and was thankfully still able to attend many classes, too. Dr. Phoenix, I recall (and loved) your Bootblacking course where you covered our history. I appreciate you letting me pitch in with my thoughts and questions. We will always have new things to learn in Leather. I was told afterward how honored you were I even showed.  Doctor, YOU are an amazing, knowledgeable Bootblack and I cannot wait to see you again at Bootblack Round Up. I think we should always remember our place as a Titleholder that we are in service to our community — I am a student before I am anything, even when I reach the level of teaching others. I learned from you, so I am humbled by you. 

Our other Bootblack, Ana, calls me her Bootblack child now. We had wonderful conversations between clients at the stands. Thank you for watching over me. You also reminded me of the importance of Bootblacks, AND how we must stand up for ourselves.

At TES Fest, this was my first taste of the weight that holding a Title has. Not in power, but connection. The eyes on you. I was generously provided everything I needed when I needed it, and was granted the trust of doing what I needed to do. And I made so many new friends. Thank you TES!

Second location was the Master/slave Gathering… oh my. What do I say to you all! Probably one of the most enlightening experiences on my M/s journey. I wasn’t meant to be a Bootblack that weekend but I couldn’t help to shine a couple of y’all’s boots. I taught an almost 3 hour-long Bootblacking intensive and a discussion on Asexuality in the Leather and Kink communities, and both were a success according to the encouraged feedback!

The most insight I think I received was from those I got to speak to after chasing them down post-Masters Circle: Sir Robert and Master Penguin. slave ginna, you are a joy and an inspiration. I hope to see more parents be like how you and Master Penguin are to your children, one day. Master Varii and slave neill, it was lovely to see you there… you were as kind, generous, and protective as always. Thank you for showing your support in attending my classes. Mia, Mia Rose… you are so strong and brave. I am proud to call you my Title family.

Master Jim and dee, you guys were awesome! Thank you for your contributions in my Asexuality class and for inviting me to write for you on the subject further. 

The slave panel was, well, amazing. To hear how it makes EVERY. SINGLE. ONE of your slavehearts *sing* to make your Masters happy. slaves and those in service – I see know more than I admit I did – are some of the most generous, open-hearted, caring, talented people you will ever meet. WE, as Leatherfolk, are all in service to our community. That is what we’re here for, what we do. Myself, as someone more drawn to the left side of the slash in M/s and D/s, find that we are in service just as a slave may be in service to us. They’ve trusted You, and given You permission and consent to hold responsibility and power over them, a power they, in the back of everything, will always hold the power to take away. We forget that, and take them for granted sometimes I think. 

There was a change in me, hearing so many different perspectives of M/s. Especially as a Dominant and interested Master listening to perspectives such as those on the right side of the slash.

And of course, getting to see Lady Catherine & jack, and the rest of my chosen family. What a weekend.

Next on my travels was Ritual Steel, right here at my home in Orlando at The Woodshed. The facilitator team absolutely rocked and made the space feel so comfortable, thank you. I had never before been able to experience body-based rituals in this manner, and I am forever a different person. To experience catharsis and introspection through pain, and to see those raw moments that others endure. I had the fortune of attending with Mr. SELF Max! Thank you for sharing your intimate experience with me.

Lastly, and most recently, I attended the Leather Leadership Conference in Atlanta just the other weekend! I was humbled and honored to have been invited to black and even to coordinate. I, of course, could not resist the offer when invited by The Woodshed, Master Cecil & Darcy themselves! Thank you for having me on your mind. Kinky Trivia was also a BLAST! And of course, it was exciting to see Max, Master Varii and slave neill again.

LLC weekend reminded me once again of the importance and value of Bootblacks. There were times during discussions where I am also reminded of how important accountability and calling *in* is in the community.

Finally, I had the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that weekend of attending the famous dungeon 1763 before it closed forever. Thank you Lani Rope for inviting me to the Black and Blue High Protocol Ball, and to Travis and Decadent Desires for hosting! The experience changed my journey as a kinskter, too.

Otherwise, god knows how many various other virtual classes I’ve attended at this point. I attended the virtual Service Oriented Conference, which was wonderful! I attended a hybrid-style Knife Play class from The Woodshed presented by a friend. I attended a class on impact hosted by my House of Kush presented by another friend.

So much growth and friendship these days! That’s one of the things I’m grateful for about my title, you can really get out of your shell if you let yourself.

And as I’ve said, I am always pursuing knowledge. 

I personally hosted a Zoom discussion two days ago on AntiRomanyism (Discrimination of and Misinformation on Gypsies) in Kink, Leather, and beyond, and how we diversify and decolonize our mindsets to include more people such as myself in our conversations. I am a proud mouthful: an autistic, alternative, androgynous, queer, polyamorous, panromantic demisexual trans-nonbinary mixed Lebanese/Romani human! I think I hit BINGO for the most eclectic Bootblack Titleholder award, thank you!

And I just want to say, because I can’t say thank you enough… I appreciate everyone for their support and believing in me.

Until my journey brings me back to report to you all.

In Leather,

Apollo

I tell people that as a young titleholder, running for a title contest was the most important thing I’ve done in my life, at this point in it.

And it’s not the title itself.

It’s the people you connect with and the places you go traveling, the knowledge you acquire teaching (and attending) classes, and personally, it’s the life skills I’ve acquired as a younger person to help me make my way through the world in other areas of life. I had gone from someone no one knew, to feeling like somebody everybody knows! I feel surrounded by love, care, and support by my Leather community in a way I haven’t felt anywhere else. I was thrust into a position of responsibility that I’ve never held before.

Titleholding taught me how to stand my ground politely but firmly, to represent what I believe in unapologetically, to be a better educator and better communicator – to remember that boundaries are healthy & good. In my time in the community, it’s even aided in my struggle of finding a purpose in life.

Life is not easy with the neurodivergency, mental illness, and chronic health issues I have. But I think… education is something I will pursue for the rest of my life, whether it is within sex & kink or not. And in my time with SELF, I know that I too will become one of those titleholders that will be with Lady Catherine long past my title year being up.

So, thank you to those that helped me reach the point of possessing a title, because in turn I’ve learned how to discover myself.

I wanted to thank CephaloFae and Anomaly Arkansas for the community acknowledgement, and the award given to me by my chosen family for my contributions, referred to during the ceremony as “tireless pursuit of education and stigma smashing!” I am humbled and grateful. This was awarded to me during a time I was struggling greatly in my personal life. Time and time again, I am reminded by those I’ve met through my title that I have value & deserve to take up space, and take it up loudly.

I haven’t traveled very much since my last column update. From the months of October to December, I decided to take a step back from the majority of my titleholder work in order to recoup and take care of myself & my health. If there is any advice I could give to a new titleholder, it would be to remember to take care of yourself. You come first. You are not your title.

There were times before my break where I had to admit that I’d bitten off more than I could chew, because I wanted to push myself to go do all the things and talk to all the people and keep all the promises. But you can’t – it’s impossible to split yourself into pieces to attend them all! So, I thank all those who are patient and kind in awaiting my responses, and I’d like to thank those who run the events or classes I’ve had to reschedule on, for being incredibly understanding of my personal situation.

I want to thank my Leather family, House of Kush, for keeping me strong and being my place of comfort. I see my family’s efforts to educate and be of service, too, and I couldn’t be more proud of my Leather siblings.

Taking breaks is healthy! Titleholding is a lot different from what I’d expected when I ran – and a lot more fun. But it is also a volunteer position that I feel is important & toward something bigger than myself… taking a step back was my best effort to come back refreshed enough to be the best titleholder I can be given the work I feel must be done.

For those interested in running for a title… genuinely, I believe it is an experience of a lifetime. And I am endlessly proud to be a titleholder for an organization such as SELF – to be a representative of a good cause that I believe in, which is community, service, and safe & risk-aware kink education!

With purpose there is hope. Being your SouthEast Bootblack is my purpose and pursuit. It gives me hope for my own future, and for our community’s future. Thank you for believing in me, too.

Honestly?… When I’d initially been asked to run for the SouthEast Bootblack title, I had NO idea what I was getting myself into.

I didn’t have an inkling of what Titles meant, or what Titleholders do, their history and significance in the Leather community — none of it. I was a blissfully ignorant, naïve Leather infant. So! I accepted Lady Catherine’s invitation to be a contestant happily (Like I can ever bear to turn Ma’am down, anyway). Obviously that went well, hah! But oh dear… when I finally had it hammered into my head what I’d done, I had the classic Titleholder moment of, “WHAT have I gotten into?!”

But like I’ve said… the judges didn’t just see who I was, but who I could be. I always strive to put my best foot forward as being an honest, trustworthy and kind human. My character is not questioned as is my knowledge or experience. That I don’t own much leather at all. Yet to earn any. My own boots are scuffed. Leather isn’t what you wear, it’s who you are. I went into my Title run simply with the desire to have fun. I was new and unestablished in the Leather community, so… nothing to lose reputation wise really if I ran by myself and lost because my reputation at the time felt very… inconsequential. I just had everything to gain.

I was their dark horse, they’d said. I’d given my technical boot a shine so well-done they were confused, in under an hour with so much time I thought I needed to stall! But I made mistakes, too. I felt the stress, and pressure. Everything I said during interviews and conversations was genuine… but was maybe also said blindly, simply because I am, really, still quite new to this world. Sometimes even still, with the knowledge and skill that I have now… I will forget my own technique, or almost skip a step in the process, or not know how to answer another Bootblack’s question. It doesn’t have to be just about how much technical information you can remember, either. It isn’t about that. That’s why when running for my Bootblack Title, my technical boot and interview were only really a small portion of my overall contest… because titleholding is multidimensional. Your Leather — who you are — shines through much more prominently than whatever polish you’re using.

That’s why I’m so enthused when I hear of someone, or a friend, who is running for a title. Especially a Bootblack title, of course!  What you learn, and who you will meet, when running are golden opportunities. And on the horizon of being a titleholder, the experiences you acquire traveling and doing your work are priceless.

I hope to see lots of familiar faces at SELF this year! I eagerly anticipate what awaits for the future of Bootblacking, and hope to see some fresh faces in the scene, too!… If anyone is considering running for a title but acknowledges they may lack the life experience that comes with age, in my opinion: be not afraid! I believe in you. Just be you.

Shine on,

Apollo

My Spring has been beautiful, so far... Florida has been unnecessarily hot, as always. I’ve been working with my House of Kush members to create amazing classes for events like THRIVE and IMsLBB, and I’ll be hosting a Critter Discussion Group this week with HOK as well. I see good things ahead of us, and I am excited. As many of my friends close to my age are wrapping up their college semesters, or even receiving their degrees – my academic journey is only now beginning again. For a few years, my education had been stalled when I’d become stuck in a transfer-purgatory during COVID’s spike. And my whole life, I’ve felt lost in what I should pursue as a career… it wasn’t that I had no interests. It was that I had too many. I wanted to work with animals, or be an entomologist, or psychologist or sex educator, or a practical makeup effects artist, or a professor. My autism gave me the gift of finding intense wonder in everything, and having the passion and focus to dig down rabbit holes – gaining an encyclopedic knowledge on odd, niche things. My parents have odd interests, too. My father, being considered one of the greatest living magicians in the world, and my mom being from a line of Irish-Romani Gypsies who had performed in circuses and magic shows for generations, they understood what it meant to want to do something different. All they have ever wanted is to see me happy, and it shows in everything they say and do. When I’d come out as transgender, the acceptance was instantaneous. When I told them about my title and what it meant, they were proud of me, and wanted to learn more. And when I recently settled on a career choice I was satisfied with, they supported me wholeheartedly.

I’ve finally been able to apply to – and have been accepted into – a program in St. Petersburg for Funerary Service. I’d like to be a mortician and green death reform activist. I think it’s a noble enough cause… I’ve always been a little morbid, and I have a Service Heart, after all. I am a servant to my Leather community, a servant to nature & Mother Earth, and a servant to the dead and the grieving. I am here for humanity to the end. If as a kinkster I am here to savor the ecstasy of life and love, so too must I feel, understand, and preach the world’s agonies. There is an innate sensuality to just being human... How lucky we are, to be alive. Please forgive me for ever forgetting.

Something else I am excited for in my life is the development of a bit of a side hustle of mine, turned into a legal sole proprietorship. Having a broad interest in the macabre since childhood, I also have always held a fascination with insects, and have been keeping them for years. I’ve kept exotic beetles, mantises, butterflies, and other creatures. Now, as an invertebrate husbandry hobbyist I’ve expanded to isopods, jumping spiders, tarantulas, scorpions, tailless whip scorpions, and ornamental freshwater shrimp. I just keep and breed them at home, my poor parents. I’ve also started a flesh-eating dermestid (aptly named “leather beetle”) colony in order to skeletonize naturally deceased animals… stay weird.

So… my reign as SouthEast Bootblack 2022 is over – the end of an era. How fitting it is for Spring, then, to now be reborn and officially appointed as SouthEast Bootblack 2023, alongside joining SELF’s staff as a member of the Social Media Presence Team. What I hope goes down in the record for me is what I hope to continue as a titleholder still. “Once ours, always ours,” is something we say at SELF. The reason I’ve chosen to stay is because I am humbled that they’d want me to. My heart belongs to this organization and its purpose, its philosophy. That we are meant to care for each other, even beyond the function of our labels or titles. My becoming a titleholder showed future title contestants – and young Bootblacks – that where you came from is not an obstacle, it’s where you’re going. In the same way that love is not two people looking at each other, but two people looking forward in the same direction; SELF saw that even if I stood alone, I stood with a purpose and was looking forward. They saw someone who wouldn’t give up on their title but would eventually come to SELF to stay. They saw that becoming a SELF titleholder would provide me the network I needed to make the change I wanted to see. As the eclectic, odd character that came from a variety of backgrounds and interests, I showed titleholders can be… different. I have to thank them for that. For believing in me. For treating me seriously.

I hope that I serve you well in 2023, as I hope I served you well the year prior. This time has been life-changing, for me. And I promise, as always, to keep moving forward. As I implore you to.

In Leather and Solidarity,

Apollo

So, our title year has drawn to a close.

The emotions I feel about it are complex, but not at all negative.

I look back at the photos of my sash family from that contest weekend, and I am overwhelmed by intense feelings of joy, love, pride, honor, and bittersweet – it moves me to tears every time, if only just to even think about. I am in tears now, as I pour my heart out to you all in a level of vulnerability that I hope I’ve carried across the board during my year. I see the photos of myself alongside Ms. SELF Mia Rose, SELF M/s Master Varii & slave neill, and Mr. SELF Max on the night of the final contest before winning… and we all look so happy, because it was true. None of us *really* knew if we would be winning once we left backstage, but we were still celebrating, and supporting each other all the same. As we near our end-of-reign together, I just wanted everyone to know how grateful I am… to have a sash family that actually feels like FAMILY. We’ve been there for each other since day one, and will continue to. This is only just the beginning of our lives together, and I cannot wait to see what the future holds for us.

Thank you, Miss Mia, mi hermana. You have become my family, beyond the sash. You support me unwaveringly. We have been vulnerable to each other emotionally, we’ve made each other cry (in the best way). I was honored to have been by your side during your run for IMsL. I was honored that you asked me to stand by you as your Bootblack, because it wasn’t just to look good at your contest – it was because you really wanted me there. You are, more than anything, such a genuine and passionate human being. I am so proud to call you, Ms. SELF 2022, my sister. You step up and represent, at events you don’t just talk to the Leatherfolk but the hotel staff, the wait staff, the housekeeping, the janitors – in Spanish. You lift others up who don’t always have a voice, including mine. If you, or Master Varii had not sent me aid when you knew I needed it, there are some events that changed my life that I would not have otherwise been able to go to, if it weren’t for you. Thank you.

Master Varii, you have impeccable leathers and a strong, gorgeous, powerful, impenetrable presence. You have felt like my protector and guide, and given your Psychology background, our conversations are certainly not “therapy” lol, but… you have insight, openness, sympathy, new perspectives, and reassurance that I am grateful for.

slave neill, you have such a kind soul. You are a friendly face, your expression is soft. I’ve always thought you are one of the funniest men I know, and you have always supported and cared for me, too. Master Varii & you own your M/s – your power exchange is well-formed, fluid, and palpable. You both had an incredible title year, and carried your titles with so much grace. It is no wonder that you now carry the honor of caring for our Leather Quilt, too.

Max, thank you. You’ve got an “older brother” energy to me, and I suppose now that is true, too.  You have stayed in my childhood home, you’ve met my parents. Over our contest weekend, you and I formed a special bond. When we found those brief moments of sharing space privately, I think we both felt through each other that our success was assured.

I have inklings of what the conversation had been like behind closed doors when I ran. And I’ve said it before – that it wasn’t just about who I was (because I think who I was, was already pretty great, hah! Someone who was kind, friendly and passionate) but who I could be. My potential was there. To be the change you wish to see in the world by stepping into a platform & position to be visible and represent what you stand for. To have the network, resources & support to make it happen. All we can do is be genuine, and the rest will fall into place naturally. I really feel that in the end, my year was about authenticity.

To be in that position & platform, you have a form of power, and a voice, and that it does come with a level of responsibility. And even though to be held to such high standards by an entire community, you find a way to lift others up, too. That you stand with people, not above them. And whether they be Bootblacks, or trans folx, or volunteers… you call in the undervalued but vital members of our community and thank them in a way they deserve to be recognized. I think it especially means a lot, to be that example for others not just in what you say but what you do, and that it touches deeply to hear it from someone you admire and care about so greatly. At times we need to hear it the most.

To have the character and belief that it isn’t about “winning” but that it’s about showing up, and that if you can touch and inspire even just one person like you by being up on that stage then you’ll be happy… then I know that someone is a titleholder in the making. Because that’s what we’re here for, isn’t it. We’re here to give back to others like us, and who have been there for us, too. To me the question isn’t “What is Leather?” it is “What is Leather to you?” – Your Leather may not be my Leather, and a lotta the time that’s okay. But we are neither a monolith, nor what a lot of people think we are, anyway. I’ve changed folx’ worldview about Leather by sharing my passion, joy, and positive experiences.

Through being a titleholder, I’ve felt the growing pains involved with newfound visibility and responsibility. But because of it I have grown so much mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I’ve become a better educator, a better player, a better advocate, a better ambassador and representative, and have become all the better of a man for it, too. My cup, and my heart is full. I am satisfied.

“Once ours, always ours,” is what we say around here. Because my journey also is not over. I genuinely wish to stay with SELF for as long as they’ll have me. I continue to carry the torch, I’ve been asked to join SELF staff – which I accepted, I am more than willing to continue to volunteer, or judge one day, emcee, and help future contestants. And it is not out of any feeling of indebtedness or obligation but out of true desire, love, and passion for what we do and what we stand for.

I’ve yet to judge a contest myself (though I’m sure that will change soon enough), I’d like to think anyone who has would be inclined to agree that… the judges should want… to see you ALL do well. You should all have an equal opportunity to do that, an equal opportunity to show who you are, to prove yourself, and to successfully complete your title contest. Everything they have to say should be in the good faith of the contest. And to not let anything they say to you, or about you, be taken to heart. Here I will also thank Chrissie & Melissa, our Tally Goddesses. Thank you for offering your time, energy, focus, effort, and knowledge to make our contest all the more fair, equitable, and unbiased.

People always ask what you’ll do if you win, but not what you’ll do if you lose. What matters is that you were there. You showed up, you represented, you did the thing. Nobody can ever take this weekend, these moments and these memories from you. That’s one for the history books. Even showing up is a feat in itself.

Leather isn’t what you wear, it’s who you are. I had no leather gear when I ran, and any leather I did wear was almost embarrassingly scuffed or dirty. But my argument was that I was so busy taking care of everybody else, that I never had time to take care of myself. I know now that there are many Bootblacks out there who do not care for their own leathers for a similar reason.

I meet people who have disinterest or even an active distaste for the Leather community. My partner had been the same when I met him. They believe (because they see or hear from the outside), that we are all entitled, pretentious, and gate-keepers. That I would never be accepted by TWUE Leathermen for being a young trans man…. But I have never, in any other category of my life, in any place in the “real world,” have felt more accepted, affirmed, safe, welcome, and loved than here with you all.

Community is, oftentimes, Leather to me. And this community really saved my life. They still do, again and again. I sometimes argue that my chosen Leather family is the only thing still holding me together, these days. Running for a title – in my 22 years on this Earth – was also, to me, the most important decision I have ever made in my life.

When I ran, I didn’t know anybody, and nobody knew who I was. I didn’t even really know what a title was when I applied. It was technically my first SELF besides Mayhem during the pandemic. I became a Bootblack during COVID era – I had no choice but to learn that way. I was totally unprepared, only four weeks before the contest… and no one helped me. If anything I was actively discouraged by some, of whom it hurt to hear from the most because of their own position in the community. They didn’t think I was ready, and assumed I had lost before I even stepped foot in the door given all the odds stacked against me. But I worked every day, shining boots from friends and timing my practice to under an hour for my tech. I wrote my speech alone, made my presentation alone, put together auction baskets alone, planned my fantasy alone. With no assistance or advice.

Lady Catherine had personally implored me to run. What kept me going that whole weekend was that SHE believed in me. That she has a nose for title winners. She was – funnily and surprisingly enough – the only person I knew there, and the most important one. She’d kept in touch with me after meeting at SELF Mayhem, because she’d been delighted and intrigued by the way I thought and spoke. She kept tabs on my newfound Bootblacking journey.

But I was still, completely and utterly alone. Lady Catherine, out of fairness for all, cannot interact with any contestant once they submit an application until the contest is over. I had no handler, and if anything I handled my poor partner Elliot that I dragged along that weekend who was my only support, but slept in the hotel room the majority of the weekend, and therefore had not attended any of my categories besides the contest evening itself.

But I rocked the boat, I challenged the narrative. I was problematic and provocative in the best way. I was their “dark horse,” they said, that I would be the most eccentric Bootblack titleholder ever. That I was something they’d never seen before, I looked and identified and thought and spoke and did things they’d never seen before… and they loved it. Now, all these people are my family, my friends, my safe space, and my home. Now everyone knows who I am…. and I them! Personally. I got to speak with my wonderful Head Judge from that weekend, Khalid El Bey after my win, and the feedback I received was that there were, really, NO complaints or critiques to give. That I did wonderfully, and that I was perfect just the way I was. That he was proud of me. I have to thank him for that, for Khalid to have been such a strong presence but also a kind, comforting, and reassuring one. For seeing me, trusting in me, and believing in me. I still talk to, and I am actually now quite close with, several of my judges from then.

Thank you to Leather Kitty, for not taking any offense that I had not been aware of your Chemistry background, hah. Thank you for correcting me when I had been wrong during my tech interview about how some of my products actually work, and for offering to teach me – so that I may grow rather than be limited by what I don’t even know that I don’t know.

Thank you to my Surprise Judge, WaywardSoul. And I do put emphasis on the “surprise” part. You were the only judge that weekend who sat in my stand. Since then you are still the closest to me out of my judge panel that weekend; you are playful and hilarious, thoughtful and insightful, and supportive. Thank you for all the jokes and memes you send me. It shows me that you care, and that you think about me.

Thank you to SwitchyButch for asking the most difficult, but interesting and thought-provoking questions during my interviews. I did not see them as “gotchas,” but questions to see how I reacted and responded when giving a hard answer, to think on my feet and sit with any discomfort I may feel when faced with a form of “controversy.” Because as titleholders, that kind of thing will come up, and you must show that you are prepared for it.

Thank you to Kali ONYX, for also having been so sweet to me. I felt that you and I had clicked well that weekend over mutual ground & interests! We admitted to each other later, that we both had wished we’d kept more in touch over my title year. I was humbled and honored that you asked me to present for Blood, Sweat & Queers, and I am so excited to have that opportunity with you and BSQ soon!

Thank you to AJ ter kuile, for having so much knowledge & passion for Bootblacking, and for being a friendly face… I was happy to see some Florida Bootblack rep, hah! And to Kupcake - you are so sweet, friendly, talented, and beautiful! Your happy, excitable energy truly rubbed off on me, too. More Florida Bootlack rep… and neurodivergency! You make me feel like there is space for me as an Autistic Bootblack.

To our judge J. Tebias Perry,  I appreciate your support toward events benefiting the efforts to push Leather culture forward. As the youngest titleholder I know, I am aware that I am a symbol of the future of the Leather community and where we are headed. I, too, believe that our Leather community must keep looking forward, and to have a desire to adapt, improve, and grow.

To my dear friend, Captain Lyte: you are a local whom I’ve since become even closer with, as well. I use “family” to describe anyone I’ve grown to love rather than any strict label, and you… are family to me, too. Thank you for being Judge’s Assistant that weekend. I’m sure the Judges appreciated you just as much, too! You were such a comforting presence even then, and I will always remember after my interview, when you ran out the door with me, leaned your head out, and said, “I just wanted to say, that… was AWESOME. You did so well.” Since then I have stayed in your home, and I am again where you’ve trusted me enough to meet your family and your children. I know, to a degree, that behind those closed doors with the judges that you spoke up for me, because you really saw me. I only wish you the best during your run for SELF Person of Leather, this year. I see you, too, and know you have the heart of a titleholder.

Thank you to my Den Parents: Orange (Jen) and Blue (Cavalier Andy). Orange… You were a tough cookie! But through it all, you made me feel so confident after my interview because you told me I rocked that shit. And after getting flustered enough during an incident over the weekend, the passion in your voice when you told me that I was your dark horse, that you don’t let just anyone touch your leathers but you’d let me do your high shines, and that I shouldn’t let anyone make me feel small for being something new… that meant a lot to me. I was humbled that you asked me to do your makeup for the contest!

Andy – I couldn’t have asked for a greater… great-great-great… multiplied-by-something sash granddaddy! I have been watching your transition and gender journey, and I know exactly how you feel. I am so proud of you, and so happy you are more comfortable with who you are, confident in your own body, and know yourself better now. You were a deeply compassionate and gentle man to me over the weekend. You really are my Knight, too.

To my Bootblack Coordinators and friends Tidbit & Mama Tori… You, Ms Tori, had been one of the few to call me before my run and offer any advice you could give, which I greatly appreciated. Y’all are part of my SELF Bootblack titleholder ancestry, too! Mama, you really protected me that weekend. You told me that if anyone else made me upset again, that they had no place near your stands, or me, because you’re my Mama. You’re a caregiver and guide to all your Bootblacks. Tidbit – you are also hilarious, and I know you vouched for me, knowing I had too many stand hours during my contest to seem fair to my energy and wellbeing. So, thank you BOTH for speaking up for me when I could not.

And another “thank you” to all those who had donated to my auction baskets: OllieFoxx Leather, Dye Addict Rope, P&C Creations Michigan, Beyond Piercing, Bootblack Paradox at BattlebornLeathercare, Lady Eos Products, Master Penguin for The Woodshed, Sir Crow, and Chromaknotz. You jumped at the opportunity to support me at a cost to yourselves – through the donations of your beautiful, handmade business products, and I am eternally indebted to you.

An extra-special “Thank you,” to the whole team at SELF that makes my world go ‘round!

Lady Catherine & Jack, I hope you know how much I love you. I see how much work you both put in, every day, and your support of me and the rest of my sash family has never made me feel alone, or without help. I’m sure my sash siblings feel the same.

Notable thanks to the SELF staff… Randi, you give so much back to your community, and I see you do it with so much passion and love. Thank you always, for your patience with me, your kindness and your understanding. You work so hard every day, too. I see you. To tracey, you do all that money-business that would give me a headache if I had to even look at numbers… so thank you. Thank you to Scarlett for being a total sweetie as well as an irreplaceable facet of the SELF family – GOOD LUCK, at your run for Ms. SELF this year! Thank you to Lady Victoria for doing all the program-things. I like to think you’re called “Fun Programming” because YOU are fun – but the technical definition is fine, too! Thank you to GoddessMW, for helping keep all our social media vibrant and running smoothly. Thank you to our TitleAide, ABizzy, for making sure we and all future contestants are well-prepared to be successful! Thank you to Cynthia for being our Volunteer Chair, because who would we be without our volunteers?

Thank you to Dee, my fellow FetLife SPT coworker since I recently joined SELF’s social media team – you and I have much in common, it seems! Not to mention how patient, understanding, supportive, friendly, and excitable you’ve been with me. I love littles. Thank you also to PantherG0ddess for being a big help as a member of SELF’s SPT, too. Thank you Dawn, for being a part of the group alongside my sash family and being our Coordinator. You keep SELF’s website up and running smoothly! Thank you both Brieana & Bea for your amazing (and speedy!) work to make our team some amazing graphics – not just online, but extending to the event weekend! Thank you to Heather S. for being our Lead Staff Photographer, because you take beautiful photos. Thank you to Miss Bettie, for all the work you’ve done for SELF over the years. You and I always have warm, healing, insightful, and enjoyable conversations. Thank you (x2) Miss Bettie for also being my beloved designated carpooling buddy to Atlanta. Thank you to mycalyne for being the best sash mama ever and an amazing Bootblack. Thank you to Devaena for being a helping-hand to all our volunteers. Thank you to HellyFaye for working hard on our Operations team.

Thank you to Country, who’s had that same pair of boots shined by every winning SouthEast Bootblack titleholder since SELF’s inception. You have amazing stories and a kind soul. I cannot describe to you how it felt, to be entrusted to shine those boots, too. To me, it showed that you knew that I would win that weekend – I felt more assured in it, because of you. Your gut-instinct was correct.

Thank you to Sir Edgar & slave raven, and rachael. You’d been there at our contest as a part of Mia’s handler team, but every one of you has become my family, too. I call Sir Edgar and slave raven my “con parents.” You have housed me, fed me, protected me, supported me, and love & care for me. There are no words for how grateful I am. I love you, too. They both were also among the first folx I ever met in the Leather community. You have always, always been kind to me. rachael, too, is a total sweetheart, and a shoulder I know I could lean on when I need it.

And THANK YOU… to all those I had not named but whom I could go on breathlessly gushing about. To everyone I have met during my Leather journey and across my travels. You all made me realize that Leather to me… can also just be about entering a Leather space and feeling like you’re at home. You helped me understand that I am a Leatherman, through-and-through. This is to all those I’ve conversed with, met, played with. To every volunteer – for SELF and every other event – to all my Bootblacks out there… this is for you. It has always been for you. To all those I have watched present, or have hosted safe spaces, play parties, socials, panels, and discussion groups. To all those I have yet to meet in-the-flesh though we’ve been dying to. To all those future contestants… YOU are my community. And I am honored to be a part of your lives, and to have touched you so, as you have me.

I hope I have served you all well, this year. I’d like to think so. None of you would let me think otherwise – the love, warmth, support, affirmation, and acceptance I have felt from my community has been immense. My people… glorious.

In Love, Longevity & Leather,

Apollo

SouthEast Bootblack 2022